Tuesday, May 01, 2018

Winter Sonata sure is different at 49 years old!

Believe it or not I am rewatching Winter Sonata..

ee geram betul I dengan si Yujin tu lah...

she really was a wutz wasn't she?

and those men...telling her what to do. dengan min hyung min hyung nye..dengan sang hyuk nye

EEEE. Tight slap sorang sorang.

Sunday, April 29, 2018

Update 3- the family!

We went to Paris last January. 

The kids have come to expect, and I try very hard to ensure, that every year we will have one obersee (overseas) holiday. In the words of my No 3- "AT LEAST Australia, mom."  lolll. When she said that, it brought home to me how indulged they were ha ha and how blessed we were that we could spend a lot of moolah we didn't necessarily have, just to take them away to another country- where I do stuff that I usually ask the maid to do when I'm at home like laundry and housework! ha ha! What no one knows is that sometimes the holidays are paid at the expense of paying bills, or are put on MrVisa and Ms Mastercard! I know, I know, this isn't the most financially brilliant move- getting into debt to go on holiday but then I have always prioritised experience and time...the kids are with you for only the shortest time..in fact the last 5 years passed in a blink of an eye.! Money you can always find (although sometimes it hides for a loooooooong time)  

So last Jan we went to Paris- timing was fixed around Sara's break- which meant that Jojo had to miss school. Sophia too (boy did I get into a pickle for THAT). Dahlia was waiting to start A Levels at Taylors (she was NOT happy that we made her start in January when her SPM friends have till July to "rest") Anyway yeah that seemed like an ideal time to get the family together...so off we went! Good break for a week- we Ubered it everywhere, choosing that over the cheaper(?) Metro, purely because (1) it was so blinking cold (2) Metro would not have been that much cheaper as there were so many of us. Of course when we arrived home, Paris was flooded hehe..kesian orang Paris.  

 I really enjoyed that holiday because we didn't do that many touristy things (the Eiffel Tower was a must though). We spent time indoors a lot - and we chatted a lot. The girls are still close although they argue as girls do..Even Johan is in on it. I'm reminded of my friend Haq and the 4 girls he shared the uni flat with masa dulu..he would always be joining us in our chatting sessions. Jo is like that lah now. With his sisters.

Johan..no longer my baby...He's getting so big and emo..haha teenage boys. I have no idea how to deal with them. He is taller finally than his sisters, and is a full head taller than me, can you believe it???  I can't believe that he will be out of the house next year huhu..his O Levels are next week!! In fact as I write this he's with Zul, his childhood friend who left Adni a few years back (bro is Nadine's classmate- jazli) kononnya nak belajar together . I didn't want to let him go - taknak susah kan parents orang tu..but the father asked hubs personally to let him so kenalah (I lembik that way). Hope Zul can help him focus! 

With JO out of the house..habisla my kids in secondary...no more reason to stay near Adni! It's been great and I strongly advise everyone to SEND YOUR KIDS THERE! 

Thinking of relocating now..to Cyberjaya /Putrajaya maybe? As that's where Sara will be for the next 5 years..hahaha pindah ikut kids ..crazy or what. But mom has a piece of property there too..maybe it'd be nice to do a simple rumah kampung,surrounded  by a lot of land..and trees..rumah I sekarang memang banyak pokok..but serabai..until my neighbour in front of my house, actually asked me to get a gardener to clear the mess up! heheheh..!  (I have that kind of neighbour you know).  We are so not good at landscaping etc. 

At the moment Jo is our only companion except during weekends when everyone (except Kaklong)comes home. Kaklong pun reachable through facetime..although she is supremely sebok these days. Weekends will see the house bising again, with the piano being fought over by Kaklang and Kakchik (soph and daya) ...I am savouring the joy of still having them around...I'm sure this will not last very long huhuhuhu..! 

Signing out! 

Friday, April 27, 2018

Update 2- New job

So that last whimpy post last year ? I was on the verge of refusing that job..right

Well I took it! I am a legal manager ! (kuli je actually)

I have a room and a staff! I have an honest to goodness DEPARTMENT!. I have a colleague..I have a LOT OF NEW COLLEAGUES. I am now in a CORPORATION! There is MEDICAL LEAVE and all sorts of leave and I can actually CLAIM for stuff! I have insurance!! They will PAY for my training! There is a (GASP!) budget!! I get to go to Management retreats!

It was fun. I went to loads of meetings . I get asked to take minutes.  I attend many tender meetings. I get consulted a lot. Then I took on jobs of other departments  who ask me to help them. First it was review their board papers, then they'd ask me to help them review a few stuff. Sometimes it becomes my baby. I have no issue helping them! I love learning about how others do their work!

Until I was caught and told-  no more. Do your own work and stop babysitting others!

and then it stops being fun..because it becomes corporate, There is now bureacracy. Need for memorandum. Need for pushing stuff that is not under legal. I can see the bewilderment in my colleagues' eyes when I said no I cannot be the joint preparer of the paper as this did not originate from us. I absolutely see the big boss' point. There has to be accountability. Plus when they get the 6 months bonus because they look good and I make them look good, I am assured that I will be annoyed. So stick to your job. Legal advice only.

But it's sooo hard. The line gets blurred. The request keeps coming and I MUST say no. I run away , or I go solat, or I go make a drink, when I see someone coming towards me with that look of intent.

Another thing is!  I am told that I am  too friendly.  My emails are happy and start with "thank you for your email". Forget that. Just go for the jugular.  Win win is for losers, I am told in no uncertain terms. So now, my emails are pretty sterile. Gone are those smileys and the "million thanks" that I have lived with for so long. I have to be a meanie. Apparently this is how lawyers are . Funny thing is , it is not any type of actual lawyer that I have ever met. .

So I am still  having fun..but not as much as before! And they are right..it's never the work, it's the people! The boss and I get on, but we are not of the same cloth lah.

And guess what? I am now rather fierce! with external lawyers! I find it irritating as they don't know what I want, they never  update me and they charge a bomb! I am heady with my own power hahahaha.

The best thing about this work? It's 1 mile away from the hubster! I can actually walk to him! hehe

 I think I will stick it out for a little longer...they have big plans..it's nice to be offered to be part of this big plan.. so I will try to be ahem ..serious.

So that's my update on work done!

Sunday, April 22, 2018

Update 1- to get you up to speed!

HELLOOO!!! Update time ! One year after the last one!! I cannot believe I have been so lazy!!
First update- the other half lost 26kg and is disgustingly thin. Everywhere he goes people ask him how he does it, is he sick ? He will tell people that he took up cycling, and from 96 kg voila he is now 70kg. A fact which depresses me because heck- even I'm not 70kg. If I reach 70 kg then I would have lost 3 kg!~ something which nowadays is a gargantuan effort.

This was him last year

This is him now. The person behind him is his poor wife, wishing he wouldn't be this thin.

What brought about this change you ask me? Well he turned 50. The midlife crisis kicked in finally. As his father my dearest father in law has issues with heart and sugar, hubster decided to take heed and lose all that blubber (not being me) . He started cycling (you should see the costume- eeee malu) and then took part in a triathlon, and the weight just kept peeling off. Disgusting! 

I had a lot of problems accepting his weight loss, as with it came his distaste of sweet stuff and therefore the death of my eating companion. I deeply miss the chubby guy, and actually feel like he had indeed died. I have  a new husband, for all intents and purposes. I had to adjust and it had been slow..but finally I am at peace at his new slender form..and he is soo light now.  And he tells me to lose weight too..but  I am clinging to my chubby cheeks for dear life..as that is my youth potion hahahahaha..

For Mrs N (who I deeply thank for wanting to read this rambling) , yeah it was not easy at ALL , to come to terms with his weight loss. I read about it you know, and I came across loads of articles where the partner actually feels betrayed. You'd laugh if you knew the articles I read- bariatric divorces lah, my partner trying to sabotage me lah ..I mean to be serious, he is now a different person with totally different tastes and likes. Do we really have anything much in common anymore other than the kids? 

ok well that ventured into the drama land a little bit- it wasn't that bad but the anger I had was real. How could he, how could he be THIN. And you know what is so annoying ? That he is keeping it off. 

But! Like I said, am settled to see his new thin form although now and then it comes as a shock lah. When I hold his waist,  for one. When I catch his profile sometimes. 

Of course it is healthier for him to be like this, right. There is less risk of heart diseases and stress and diabetes etc. He will extend his life by another 20 years he said. InsyaAllah. 

As for me...well I will lose the weight when I am ready to do so. Right now I can't be bothered. I am a member of the gym so I guess that's a start! 

Anyway that's the hubby update done! 

Friday, April 14, 2017

Dilemma of a diva

Friends are there to listen to you and bounce off ideas and help you solve dilemmas.

I am lucky to have a very close group of friends who I can rely on to give me sound advice and support.

Disclaimer: I have a lot to be grateful for and every time I think I have a problem I realise that it's probably going to seem like so mengada -ngada to some. 

My current problem or dilemma is whether I should go to that job interview or not.

I left the other firm because it had a culture that I didn't think I could be part of. They were very professional and very good but perhaps not too hung up on  being warm and friendly and cuddly, things which I value. Since I am going to be with the office for 8 hours a day I want to like the environment.

Anyway suddenly I received a job offer from this company. This very nice guy said he really needs help, and I would be perfect for the job. I was excited because he was excited! He has many things he wants to get done. It is corporate work, he needs me for the stuff he thinks I can do for him. And he has been looking for me for a long time. The pay is not so fantastic, actually a pay cut. but it would be monthly and stable. I would get EPF! (have not gotten that for absolutely ages and somehow this is important to me at this age and in my mid life identity crisis). The guy is actually nice, smiled a lot, and he said everything I have done in the past in terms of work- he wants ! He said he's working on a great package..although in the end he said they can't match what I wanted. But they will give me a car! (Like I need it? I don't like to drive :) )

Flattering right?? So anyway that was a month ago. Since then, I returned to work with my previous partner and the same arrangement (although I have requested new terms, mainly money and also some changes in the firm like can we move office please boss and can I have a junior lawyer please boss and can we have a website already lah) .I've been working from home and pretty much going wherever I please and fixing my own time. I'm getting clients . So far. For all you know that's it for the year. But at this point in time the two months working in a proper office seems surreal and I am enjoying my freedom.

Sooo then, this company called and arranged an interview, and told me that this is an informality and I'm basically there and the job's mine and he has an office already for me and he's arranging for someone to assist me.

So now.........how do I tell him I don't really want to go?

Or should I go for the job? It's stability, it's recognition, it's being part of an organisation.

Vs freedom, autonomy, etc etc.

So my friends basically said- just don't waste his time, tell him it's not for you . Don't feel obligated etc.

So now three days away from the interview, should I cancel on this guy? he's been selling me so hard to his bosses so he said.

Never mind, my friends are right.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Let's stay together :)

Let's Stay Together!

I heard this song being sung by Obama (click here to see the awesome man sings!) And I looked for it and it's Al Green's song..you know it, if you are my age..my son said "I don't know that song!" Duh, of course ler  Johan hehe. I was about 5 kot!

Now the other half pun now likes this song and humming it around the house. We're actually thinking of going to karaoke just to sing this song. Hehe..which is ok right, except going for karaoke is not what Hajj and Hajjah do..we are supposed to be bettering ourselves at the quran- (which we do too!) But we haven't kicked the habit of liking to sing hehe(which I don't think we really should worry about to be honest)

I was thinking of having a karaoke dinner where I can sing to him this song..yes, he's turning 50..I'm thinking of a small cosy dinner with friends.but then (a) which friends ?? and (b) I loathe to share him with the friends..he has so little time, I'd rather share his limited with the family.

Also want to have a doa selamat, give thanks to Allah the almighty for granting us the happiness so far. Anyway we haven't had a big do for a while..so many things have happened and everyone is busy.   It would be nice..but the guestlists would be so long..who do I leave out?? I'm terrible about this. 

anyway ..will think about it.

In the meantime..back to the soul music!

Wednesday, April 05, 2017


Well!! It's now 2017!!!

1. Nadine is 2nd year sophomore in U Chicago, doing what looks to be like history of India and anything and everything related thereto under the guise of Islamic history. She was the best student of Adni Islamic school. President of her Malaysian Chicago association or something and really getting into this uni thing.

2. Sara is a first year medical student in Cyberjaya University Centre for Medical Studies can you believe my little Sawa going to be Dr Sara. Thankfully she was awarded the best student of Adni Islamic School for her year. Loves art and doing more of it and selling her stuff

3. Sophia is now starting foundation in business at HeriotWatt University in Malaysia (the Malaysian campus) . She will do her first year  here too before transferring (money permitting) to SCOTLAND for her degree. She was also awarded the best student in Adni. Loves baking and sold lots of cakes to school for fundraising and counted all her takings as  profit (helloo what about the costs your mom and dad put up haa)

..yes I know , i have a contract running with them for the best student award thing hahahahaa

4. Dahlia is in form 5 and sitting for her IGCSE this year and hopefully will do something she likes. Am thinking of sending her to Japan to learn the language properly and also can i go with her hon?
She all of a sudden late last year requested to learn piano so she is banging her heart out on the keys. Very diligent and organises her own tuition and stuff and always studying (or actually reading up anime we KNOW Daya)

5.Johan well he is really progressing up as cadet- he's gone to Sargeant now and will aim to complete to Warrant officer by next year. He finishes school next year (I  KNOW RIGHT????!!!) he is doing ok in school, can do a lot better. He is also progressing in his taekwon do and wants his black belt before he leaves school. He has his aims lah basically. And I hope he gets to be head prefect. He is getting taller but not as tall as he obviously want. Johan, those other boys have stopped growing ok so relax laa

6. Dad is now a cycling addict which is fine (NOT FINE) as long as it does not i nterrupt with his time with me which is of course the first priority (in my head lah the reality is that it's a poor poor second) He has done a 160 km ride, a 180 km ride, and a 90 km ride. And he made a big deal  abt me going to a cooking class with some friends for 4 hours AND my pilates mornings of 2 hours max - its NOT the same hunny , nice try though! I will never be ok with you going 12 hours missing to ride a bike huhu but I think you are awesome anyway.

We are still sickeningly loveydovey and I still think he  is hot but i realise now that a lot of the times he humours me and not tell me when I annoy him or what, I have tried to get him to be honest but he is not that type so I shrug myshoulders lah and have to learn to watch his signs

..men are simple though..they want food, clean clothes, massages, and attention 24hours.

Me..Im still at current firm..dang it I returned, although I tried the big firm for 2 months. I would have stuck it out , you know and excel at it I am sure, had I only liked the culture...

It was fun putting on suits, though

Mom and Dad are well..dad had a shock last year when he was admitted into hospital with a stomach complaint and suddently it was an abdominal aneurysm which could easily be fatal. Operation was done pretty much immediately (thank god for the private hospital ) and the other half went in to assist the surgeon who did it and dad is now fully recovered after a horrendous 12 days in ICU and HDU

They stayed with us for a month and then went back home and now from Mom's complaint he is lording it up with her ha ha

Ok Byeeeee

Monday, March 07, 2016

Getting back on my blogging feet...

So yeah ...it's March 2016. I almost forgot about this blog! I feel like I have left the woman who started this blog way back in 2009 (actually if  you count the blog i deleted, earlier than that!) ..I can't share about how to bring up kids, and whatever I write the kids now can actually comment.

Anyway March 2016 and where are we...

I cannot believe I am going to be 47 this year. 46 was bad enough lah, but somehow 6 is nicer on the ears than 7. 47 is basically 50 lah I might as well be.

Nadine- she is 6 months a Uchicago student...we facetime almost every day, thank you TMUnify and Steve Jobs ! I get to see  how she now has a pronounced American accent- how is that ?? How come never developed a pronounced Melayu accent hah? You stayed home longer than you've been in the States? I'm happy that she is staying active, joining the debate club and getting to go to Stanford for a debate thingy. I'm happy that she is exploring other people's culture and religion and way of life while at the same time remaining faithful to her faith. I am not  happy that she still procrastinates...her tendency to procrastinate has cost her As- where the professors , while giving glowing reviews of her work, noted that it was only because she handed them super late, that she did not get A plus..

Never mind, it's not about the As, as I have always said. Unfortunately, the As are important ....especially if you have a system that accumulates all the grades...the As are basically what you need to aim for straight from the start..like my Sara..she spent the first 3 months of her foundation at UPM basically adjusting to NOT being in an International school with students all speaking in English but being surrounded by Sekolah kebangsaan BM speaking kids who call english "B.I". She soon adjusted, and made a lot of friends although they thought she and her slang are funny ..and 9 months after she started in May I think she is adjusting well. She's even helping her coursemates with their english as strangely, all the courses ARE in english.

Back to Sara- yes she decided out of the blue after getting a lot of As in her O levels, that she wanted to do medicine,  right? then she started this general foundation course which threw Add Maths and Physics at her, and Add Maths to her is like any form of Maths to me- NIGHTMARE. So her grades in Maths suffered and the long and the short of it is- you need All As, ALL the time and in ALL exams, if you want to do medicine in UPM. Her grades are good enough for all other courses in UPM but not medicine...She did tell me she didn't want to do medicine halfway through the course so I told her to apply for other courses that she might like, like Art,  but now she has decided that it's medicine again..because while she loves to draw she doesn't think she might want to learn about drawing 4 years in a row.SOooo we are probably looking into other universities or colleges that she can go into.

Wednesday, November 04, 2015


Yay! It's November already !

I have gotten myself a coach now, and it's been great! He joined BNI and I thought I'd give it a go, since I was in two minds then about whether I should resign or not and what I should do! To cut a long story short, he helped me come to the conclusion that yes I should now define what I want and what I dont want.

And coming back from sending Nadine, (Another blogpost!) I have decided that I will only do corporate banking and not anything else. And even then, big corporate loans. Not small ones.

So yes I am happy .

Monday, August 17, 2015

The decision

After a lot of thinking, and self analysis.........I have decided to call it a day. I am going to stop work. I have told my boss.Presently he is not accepting it. But I think dah lah kan..I want to do other things- write, study japanese again, study quran again...etc

time to harden the heart and say no i am not staying... even though we are good friends. Please please don't get too upset. The firm will survive without me should you want to keep it. It's time to move on. I don't know,  but I don't want lah people to marah me pula

The other half is supporting. And actually looking forward to it- I'm sure he's imagining me going pasar tani-ing or marketing and  NOT actually nagging him about when he is coming to fetch me from work he  he- yeah after how many years he still fetches me and where possible , send also!

Since August I've been going to class. I'm going to be dead tomorrow since it's 2 am now and I have not slept....but the class is fantastic. The ustadz is N*ouma*n Alikha*n (in case he googles his name and find this mention and gets a little worried)   and I cannot believe he came to the table where I was and answered my question face to face - 2 weeks ago he'd pass me and I would freeze. it's like watching your youtube movie come to life. The course itself is very interesting- we are analysing arabic grammar used in the quran so we can tell what the form of the sentence is, and what it HAS to mean. In 11 days I can already read and understand a little bit.  The teacher matters. He is fun and funny and not at all sermony...anyway yeah I see many supposedly working women and lawyers too, day in and day out, 9 to 2 pm ...! Tomorrow I have a meeting at 4 pm

Ok i better go to sleep - !

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

moving for the sake of moving

You probably want to kick me after this post. heck I want to kick me now. I am considering moving jobs, from a job that allows me total autonomy, and flexibility, and ability to do my work anytime anywhere, BUT not a stable income, to a job that gives me a fixed income every month, BUT needs me to be tied to the office from 9 to 5. The new job (potential) is next to pavillion though.

What do you think.

Winter Sonata sure is different at 49 years old!

Believe it or not I am rewatching Winter Sonata.. ee geram betul I dengan si Yujin tu lah... she really was a wutz wasn't she? and...