I have taken the plunge today.
I did it!
This morning, I took the scarf I was going to put on for my quran classes, and put it on . Impulsively I told the husband that I was going to try to last the entire day. A whole day with the headscarf on on a nonAdni non tahlil nonreligion day. One step and one day towards forever.
On the way to work we had a heart to heart talk, well, I had a heart to heart talk while he just drove and nodded hehehe. I said , actually are you ok with this. Do you secretly wish that your wife is glamorous (haha as if I was mrsglam before) and he said You are glamorous. (will you shaddap already with this self questioning?? Is what he really thought) and I said if left to me, I think some part of me is not ready ... I want to show my hair and I have so many pearls anyway that I can’t show if I cover up (Yes I am obviously shallow) On the other hand, I never blow my hair or do anything to it that requires anything more fussy than sticking my head outside my car window to dry it. And I can't wear earrings as I have no hole to stick them in, and since clip ons are KGB’s secret torture device I don't wear them either. So it's not like I’d be losing out on this whole beauty regime involving the hair. I don't even own a hairdryer since the last one went kaput.
Ok ok some of you out there will be scratching your head going – eh? This topic AGAIN?? Whats the big deal lah? Nak pakai, pakai lah. Taknak, toksahlah! Seksa diri kenapa? Boringgggg..
(Eh suka hati I lah kan hehehe)
Well, I seksa diri because, (a) I no longer have small toddlers to occupy my attention so I can seksa diri to my heart’s content. And (b) I know it’s something I have to do but I am not ready to do it and (c) I did it before what and managed to do it for eight whole years (and still landed my husband which goes to show that it was neither my looks or brains he went for hahahahahaha!!) and (d) it's my blog. so there.
No one is forcing me. It’s worse if you are the one forcing yourself. You can’t argue with yourself. Well, I can, but I always want to win. (??) I argue with myself, loudly and make my husband participate. In the end I asked what is my problem ni? What is the big fricking deal (says the newly holy me) .
Anyways it's hard to commit the second time around….cause you know how good you can look (wakakakakaakah) with your short skirts – hang on a minute, I never wear short skirts. No sleeveless either, and no short sleeve sangat. And no short pants – all because of my short stumpy body rather than a desire to tutup aurat hehehehe- no lah I am actually very modest and feel shy that's why I don't expose my skin and legs. Could also be the scabs and scars I have.
So having argued with myself and having my husband telling me he REALLY doesn’t mind and would I please stop telling everyone that it's his fault that I'm not covering my head, I pun decided that :
TODAY IS THE DAY
And as of now, the headscarf is still on.
Silap haribulan though because now I'm sitting at Aseana café surrounded by glam…and long long blown blond/red hair with sunglasses stuck over head (can I do that with my scarf?) and slinky clothes (me wearing billowy makcik baju kurung) and men not looking my way at ALL. (not that I want them too of course)
Never mind. I shall try to stick with it. Day 1 looking ok. Think of the pahalas....wahahahaha...who shall be having the last laugh you glam gals??? (evil laughter- *sob* so jeles)
Wish me luck!