Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Missing my brothers.

Last weekend I went to see my brother, Sa*iful. I am very close to my brothers. I'm not close in the sense that I see them every weekend. Or even every other weekend. I'm not close in the sense that we go for dinners and celebrate each other's birthday (that could be because my dad thinks birthdays are a western invention designed to corrupt the minds of people, which, between you and me, I secretly think is just an excuse to let him watch Golf on Astro rather than go out to dinner) . I'm not even close in the sense that I talk to them every day. Boy, doesn't sound like I'm that close to them huh?

But I know if I call them they will try to come or do what I have asked (decreed, rather) from them. I know if I need money I can ask them and if I need ANY favour they'll try to help. I know that they know they can count on me to do the same. And yes you still owe me money Mr Brother no x and x. And yes we ALL owe mom money kan, tak malu tol. I know that they can babysit my brood (I love that they can and have!) I owe Saiful (and AIda! and Zu and Epa! And Atie! ) many many dinners yet to be repaid for the way they entertained my kids when husband and I gallavanted to the States, and to Japan, and to Phuket (although Johan came along in the form of a 4 month foetus - he counts this as his trip abroad ha ha) .

I know, if mom or dad is annoyed, or even if I am annoyed, I can just pick up the phone , and tell them. I can whack their head, theoretically, if I think they are being bossy/annoying/rude etc. I can say, "Hoit, Pol, can you see Mom and Dad more or not??? You kan first boy, no matter how much I do she will still wait for that attention/hadiah/money from you and she appreciates it like GILER sangat...so can you please do this?? Otherwise mom is going to think that you are being controlled by your wife who by the way we all love and adore (and not because of this blog he he) but also who must be careful that she is not blamed by Mom and Dad for you not coming over - busy giler ke? Kalah CEO ni! PI BALIK JUMPA MOMMY!"

Mom and dad love to visit him though, and if they don't go visit my parents, my parents would drive to see him. AND THEY DON'T SEE ME PUN sob sob. Their excuse is that I'm forever BUSY.

Then there's that Brother no 3 who at this moment can do no wrong simply because he is away in Ireland and not around to DO any wrong. Mom and Dad are flying over to see them next month and help them out with the babysitting situation - they are both doctors with a 2 year old boy Jood and there is no nursery care that they can reasonably afford which fit into their busy schedules so the alternative is to have someone come over from Malaysia. I would do it except I'm needed at the office ha ha.. I am tempted to say (and have said to Mom) how do OTHER Parents with jobs as doctors do it?? Takkan mommy nak kena pergi kot?? For FIVE MONTHS!!???" but on the other hand, they are really in need regardless of the fact that other couples may have successfully overcome it, and anyway it's good for mom and dad to get away for a while but ADEK TAKE CARE OF MOM and DO NOT MAKE HER DO A LOT OF WORK OK??? I do not want her to be a second bibik, whether or not intentionally or not, although knowing my mom she will voluntarily do all the stuff. My sister in law no 3 is not a slouch in the housecleaning dept and quite rajin, but still , she's a busy intern, so I suspect mom may try to over do things. I'm getting used to having my brother no 3 married with a wife and a son, and a young wife , quite dependent on him like I was on hubby(and sadly , still am- forever) ha ha ha- she is lovely and I seriously hope she doesn't mind being expected to take second place when dad is around.

The closeness I claim to have with my brothers lie in my belief that I can say anything to them anytime. Of course, I have to say that I'm a lot more reticent with my brothers now that they are married, but I still think we should be able to communicate , say, if mom and dad thinks they are not home enough or things like that or if they are being annoying or they have offended relatives etc or their behaviours are basically NOT appropriate etc etc, THAT's my measurement of how close we are. I know this is not applicable for every family. Some treat each other very formally. Some don't talk to each other much, except for Raya. Some would confide in friends rather than family. Some don't even know the insides of their brother/sisters' house. Some terkecik hati (offended) over something that happened eons ago that probably had been forgotten by the offender ...some tak cakap langsung and hold conversations in their head (one way)

To them my gut reaction is : WHY LAAA you waste so much emotion and time???? GO LAH TELL YOUR FAMILY MEMBER HOW YOU FEEL!! If they are younger than you, KETUK KEPALA depa sikit, (theoretically lah) . WHY ARE YOU WALKING ON EGGSHELLS with YOUR OWN FAMILY?? Ask for apology if they are wrong, offer an apology if You are wrong, listen to their stories, tell them yours. Act as if they are your friend lah. Tell them what you think, and get it OFF YOUR CHEST! They are still people, and maybe they will realise that YOU ARE TOO! And that they should treat YOU with respect just as they treat their colleagues, or friends.! Tak yah laaaa keep in the heart. tell je. Whether or not they agree or whether or not they will react negatively etc- WHO CARES???? In a few short years, you are going to DIE and then WHO'S going to look after your KIDS??? hehehehhee.

So be nice to your family - ! Although sometimes, its a lost cause....but DON'T give up!! Try je!!! BELASAH je!!

And having said that...I will now call my brother.....heheheh


LifeBloom said...

Having been away from home for most of my life - sibling relations were patchy at best...but after I turned 35 (I know - the wisdom tooth kicked in late!) - I decided to take matters into my own hands and INSPIRE sibling love..as an eldest child I had to tunjuk example and be selfless...now its still far from perfect but I know that all my adik beradik will pull together and I can knock their lovely heads too from time to time on hal ehwal kekeluargaan ...hehe. Another great piece Shils!

Superwomanwannabe said...

Yay Zura!! good for you...i know of so many families where they act "estranged" or else they keep everything in the heart one....

thanks for the compliment..i thought it was so boring and shok sendiri..as is all my posts actually hahahahahaha

Anonymous said...

Shila, are you the eldest? It definitely does not help if you are the youngest (like me) to go and tell off the elder ones.


aida yurani said...

LOL! Betul sebijik apa kak long tulis. Makngah priorities the boys first, but we do get our attention too (biasa.. i kan attn seeker, hehehehe). korang 4 org ok lah, i missed the times when we were young, main2 apa2 ntah.

take care kaklong!

Royalshoppingarcade said...

something must have inspired this post.hahahaha..
i tell you family saga,drama,sandiwara semua ada in any family.I too have turned a new leaf sejak tsunami and malas dah nak gaduh2 or kejap2 kecik hati, sikit2 kecik hati,seriously waste of time n effort and menyusahkan.sadly tak semua org think like that but i do my part by trying to get people close to me not to be too calculative or overly sensitive.
tup tup mati, how?if we know our time is short, sure taknak gaduh.hehehe

Winter Sonata sure is different at 49 years old!

Believe it or not I am rewatching Winter Sonata.. ee geram betul I dengan si Yujin tu lah... she really was a wutz wasn't she? and...