I am a Possessive Mom

So nadine has created her Facebook account. You know how I feel about my children having facebook account. Yah yah, I know your kids have them, and okayyy je right? But entah I am having a bit of a problem dealing with my children growing up. I just wish they wouldn't ask for it you know? Yeah FB is great with connecting with old friends but when you are their age, what old friends do you have? You are still meeting your friends what. Sara, who had secretly created her FB account without telling me and is very upset that I want her to delete the account, had her friend's wall post appear on hers lah kan. And the status is entah apa apa- you are exposed to other people's way of talking, (the particular post had bad language) - entah can I have my kids stay in Kidsland for a liiiiiiitle bit more?

So anyway to give in to Nadine, I told her that I will create the FB account for her. And I did. And she deactivated it ! She said she has created her own, lah mummy. AND she would NOT give me her password or user ID . Whatever I said she would reply "I KNOW lah Mummy! Would I do that? or would I do anything bad?" Sighhhhhhhhhhh it's not what you know (and at 15 you know everything kan ) and of COURSE you would not do anything bad but I don't want you to be out there in the Internet world without me being able to access it and protect you. Yes I am 100000% behind parents who read their children's diaries. We have a responsibility to protect those we bring to this world, however unpopular we become - but don't lah tell them you read, that would be real tak pandai he hehehe.

Bila anything bad happen at least no one can turn around and say Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you stop me??

Kids, they need guidance. Kan?

Ok so I am upset lah with Nadine. At the same time I feel that I should trust her. But husband is supporting me (or rather, jadi batu api) and said no internet!! maybe that's the way it should be, lah,. the old parenting style where you don't dare to raise your voice to your parents. I'm a bit confused as I WANT to be that parent, but I am actually a membermember Im your friend kind of parent. At least with Nadine. And it doesn't help that I cannot say NO.

Kids if you are reading this. I don't want you out there where your information can be accessed by the public. You only have to google a name and if the FB account is there, he will be there. Seriously . How many times have I googled my clients and within minutes I can find all their personal info including their family pics! Vice versa lah they can also google me, but I have nothing to hide and I don't think anything can be used against me. Unless, like mom said , there are people out there who may wish you less than happiness and will go visit the bomoh to make sure you dont stay happy. I think about that too but still, I can't worry too much!

Ok lah either you think Im such a great parent, or you think I need help. Sigh....

PS By the way Nadine is having a great time over there! She has gone sight seeing, gone to celebrate eid at her room mate's family house in Yemen (how lucky is that that her room mate has a Yemeni family??) and has taken a lot of pictures. She is only now washing her clothes though and when I called her she couldnt come to the phone as she was hanging up her clothes. Ha ha my baby..membasuh kain.

PPS/ on the other hand i dont want the kids to grow up into ME, who was very protected that I didn't know how to catch a bus until I was 19 and I still don't know how to shop properly in a pasar. (I asked hubbs to come with me to identify the fish). Sigh. sedihnya.


I was like you years back...very protecting mother... banyak dont dari do's. but one day I found that bila dia ada masalah kawan or apa apa pun, I m the last to know!
they tak kan bagitau kita pun tapi banyak bercerita dengan cikgu kaunselling or kawan kawan at her age....lama akak fikir kan jalan yang terbaik...so later akak kena longgar kan ikatan tu...tukar cara kita...sebagai kawan dia n sebagai ibu dia...
macam macam lah akak buat hg ahir nya..jadi lah seperti sekarang...pendengar dan juga ibu yang garang(sekali sekala )
Memang betul..FB ni menggalak kan budak2 ni menulis sesuka hati nya..bahasa dia entah apa apa...tapi anak anak akak tak kisah add akak pun..so boleh akak pantau kawan dia an tingkah laku sedikit sebabyak...
ini pandangan akak laaa
Thanks very much kak ezzah...nasihat you banyak membantu ...better to be friends AND garang mom..somehow I will try !
Anonymous said…
oh Kak Sheila.. talking about FB account I had recently found out my dotter Dilla yg sebaya dgn Dayah dgn secretly buka FB account without telling me but her uncles. How I find out? well, satu hari I went to used my bro's lappie and tried to access fb from that lappie, tetiba I saw my dotter's email address kat situ.. apa lagi, makcik pun ngamuk lah. called her and tanya knp buka account fb without telling me and straight away I pantau her fb account by adding her in my frens list and any activity happen shall be posted on her wall and my wall too! so i know bila dia online.. hehehee.. before that dia buka account myspace.. lagi lah makcik ngamuk giler2.. myspace lagi bad exposure.. soooo I deleted her myspace account. I said big NO that. on top of that I also pantau how often dia online kat fb.. coz skali dia dah ngadap fb.. tak de keje lain dah.. chatting and main game.. and esp nk dekat exam last few months.. markat ujian bulanan merosot skit.. soooo lepas kena pantau.. baru lah markah ok.. like you.. I am a possessive mother too.. susah kan jadi mom utk budak2 zaman skrang.. huhuhuhu..

Wehh Aziah anak you advanced lagi. Mana depa tau kan the technology? seronok kot..tapi banyak buruk dari baik at their age I think. Tapi better be their friend on FB dari tak tau langsung kan..And i think you are right..memang directly related to the performance kat school..
Anonymous said…
Mommy, all i said was 'ok'. I wasn't that upset. I wasn't upset at all, really. I just ever get round to deleting my account.
way to go Sara.Syukur Kak Shila you have really good daughters with good hearts.Like Sara said, she got round to it.Syukur.
My son at 8 wants to have FB too but I said no need.Wait till I say ok.Syukur he listens.for now.
Anonymous said…
i'm rooting for sara here :)
Sara- fb is fun but take it from me. its very addictive. You want to check it all the time. Ok thats just me, maybe. Plus ppl can save your pics. Maybe BOYS are saving your pics. So yeah, go delete it. And I hope you mean it about not being too upset. I thought you were. you certainly looked it! Like daddy said, if you want to give a message, just write it down on a piece of paper and we will make sure it gets to them. Its called a letter.
nadine said…
I'd give you my password mommy if you gave a good reason. What would you do with it amyway? Besides i really can't be bothered to even use it that often. Mailing someone would be inconveient. They probably wouldn't reply by mail anyway because they'd have to go buy stamps and envelopes and etc. I'd like letters though. I might mail one to you.
Anonymous said…
Shila, as you know my parenting methods are way different from yours. Both my kiddos have had fb accounts (the younger one less active than the older), and I've had got into their accounts to make sure that their accounts are locked to friends only in viewing everything. You can still find them on the directory, but you would only see the names, and profile pictures. So far, I really have'nt had much problems. Yes, it can be addictive, but we impose this thing called "techno rehab" at home every so often to make them stay away from all things technology. And (my) Sara did prove that she could still score in exams even thought she was an active facebooker. Because, I'm their friend on fb, every now and then, when someone makes an inappropriate comment, I will just comment on that particular comment that it is inappropriate, and most times, the kids do apologise for it, so I'm not too fussed. As long as your child & their friends know you have access to their accounts, they normally become a bit more careful.

My 2 sen
Kaklong. I gave birth to you there's your good reason. I can't think of one other than so that I can delete your friends yang tak senonoh or reset your privacy settings, so I guess you don't have to give me your password lah ek? However you need to ensure that your privacy settings are set properly to "Rapunzel" mode. You are a sensible child so I shall just trust u to do the right thing. And auntie may said her daughter still score so here's hoping FB is not too addictive for you.

Give you a good reason, ambooiiiiii anak mami!
Hi May
yes your parenting methods are unique. Very strict but very laid back at the same time. Im trying to reach that balance. I dont know ....maybe I'll get there.
Anonymous said…
Your kids don't have access to internet? My kids created FB in school! Anyway they only have acces to internet at home when we're around. Tu pun kat living room so we can see what they're doing.

And they are friends with their aunties & cousins too.

aida yurani said…
Hehehe, ni yg I nak kelakar ni... My opinion is OK for Nadine to have FB, but maybe you can advice her on privacy settings (as if lah Nadine to tak pandai, but Nadine... if you read this... listen to your mommy ok, heheheheh....)

I think you daughters will be fine, They've been thought the most important basics, they will survive out there.

Nadine : Sometimes give in lah sket to Mommy, I still do that to my mom although I am an adult. Take care ok, Aunty Aida pun sad tengok you dah besar, dah anak dara, and much taller than me. I remembered those days when you were 6 and will ride in my Kancil and listen to Back Street Boys with your sisters, hehehe

Kak long : I pun belajar naik bus in KL when I was 19, before that I tak tau apa itu bus no 14 (can you imagine Bangteh, ur brother ajar I naik bus!!!)

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