Monday, January 16, 2012

Blessings of a mother.

One of my cousins is getting married this year.

Which is great news, because she is my youngest brother's age and has been dating this guy for about 4 years ish. She also speaks Japanese because she worked there for a while, and that's where she met her bf.

The sad part is, the wedding will be organised by her sisters. Why? because her mother does not want to know. She doesn't agree, and she does not want to be involved. He's Japanese, and she thinks he won't guide her. Allready her lifestyle is not so muslimah (appearance lah , for all I know she willbe the one going to heaven ) and marrying a non muslim is not as good as marrying a stable malay muslim man (where? Got ah??) - My cousin has 4 sisters, and all but 1 will be the ones doing the inviting, planning etc. The eldest takes the mom's side.

When I was first told by one of the sisters, I was delighted, although surprised that the mom, my auntie, was still against it , and quite in awe that the daughters dare to defy her. This sister told me that the mom is resigned to it, but she reaaaaaaaaaaally doesn't like her youngest daughter to marry her chosen one!

When I met the eldest sister recently she admitted yes, its true, she is not getting involved...because to her , the others should not be encouraging this wedding. It's going without mom's blessing, and mom dah merajuk and is offended and now takes the attitude of "go ahead if you are so clever" . And it's better for the sister to separate from bf than to go ahead and marry him without "restu mak".

And she got me thinking...yah without your mom's blessing is scary kan. It IS important for your wedding to be blessed by your parents. Many couples have broken up before because of lack of approval, usually for reasons of different religion. There are couples who continue to be happy notwithstanding the disapproval , and patch up with a baby..but there are also couples who hit the rocks.

But I guess when you are in's very hard to say bye bye just because mom said no. And if you are the partner being dumped because of that, it's harder to take! Especially if you felt everything is perfect. I'm sure you'd forget about how she feels and concentrate on how you feel. Right??

Entah lah..what do you think. Should they go ahead?


Anonymous said...

it's a hard situation here. perhaps some elders in the family should speak to your aunty. after all its her daughter and as a mum she shd wish for the best for her child esp if she knows the child loves the japanese man. importantly, the man has to convert to islam and learn bt islam and practise it.

what if she doesnt want this marriage to happen and the daughter just gets heartbroken? we cannot generalize that marrying someone from the same religion will be good as the person will take care of us. i have seen ppl from same religion marrying and the guy doesnt even bother provide nafkah for the wife and kids.


Superwomanwannabe said...

Sally, you are so right..the men from same religion pun sometimes will let us down, and entah entah the wife has to lead the husband...

i think i will speak about your suggestion, maybe the father can pujuk the mother(since he is pretty ok with it)..the best case scenario if she can marry, and the mom gives her blessings....kan

Anonymous said...

yes SW. do try to speak to your uncle and see if he can change your aunt's mind. it should be a win-win situation to both and I really hope your aunt gives a blessing and the couple should have a blessed wedding and live happily ever after. hati ibu, keras mcm mana pun, lama2 boleh lembut.

all the best to you :)


MrsNordin said...

I know a few people who married Japanese. Ok je..

But of course we cannot generalise the situation. If I were the mother, I would let my daughter proceed with the wedding because she loves the man. But I'd tell her, "Kalau cerai, you bayar balik all the expenses I've paid for the wedding!" Ha ha! That way, maybe they won't cerai!!

Just kidding. Malas nak fikir heavy stuff pagi2 macam ni...:)

edelweiss said...

kak shila...

she should seek her father's approval. kalau bapak ok, mak tak okay...insyallah one fine day mak akan restu jugak. I have few classics examples...alhamdulillah semua bahagia. Banyakkan doa.

Winter Sonata sure is different at 49 years old!

Believe it or not I am rewatching Winter Sonata.. ee geram betul I dengan si Yujin tu lah... she really was a wutz wasn't she? and...