How to treat your 16 year old? see picture


This is my daughter**

As I am sure she is feeling , being 16 and being told she cannot go here, there or anywhere by her ever protective mom.

She wants to go, thats the problem. She's not like a docile child who is content to read and stay in the house, she's always asking to go places ...I feel larh she's pushing the boundaries, asking to go to this place, this seminar, that workshop, this trip, that trip...

Putting things in perspective, she doesn't ask to go to clubs or social places, so I guess I have to let her go lar to all these "good" places.. But the places she asks to go to, always costs money--moan moan. Ok I basically do not want her to go anywhere 50 metres away from under my armpit, is that possible?

I tell her that the world out there is dangerous. you get exposed to so many things if you are not careful, and you cant exactly trust your friends. What if the friends introduce her to -GASP- boys?? Or worse still...MAT REMPIT? He he...Her friends are giggly girls (not all of them she tells me! )Well Nadine they are all giggly at this age and they all know better.

Yesterday Saturday after tuition she wanted to go follow her friends for a bowling tournament practice and I said yes. Then when I called her to see if she is ready, (or she said she called ME) she was apparently at a karaoke place. Hmm. I felt- not happy that my daughter is in a mall somewhere loitering. on the other hand this was the first time and not often anyway right....so I let it go..with a mental note to go with her next time

So what do you think? Should I let her have her freedom? Or should she listen to mummy and wait till she's 24 before she can go out and lepaks? er I pun dulu lepak , tapi dengan Zuriati my now sister in law but then best friend, and we would go walk around Yow Chuan Plaza and try many many clothes just for fun, and yeah nothing happened to us. Eh? I think ada lah hairy situations, where men chatted us up (it was probably Zu) so there WERE dicey moments. But I was about 17 then which is a looot older than Nadine hehehehehe..

I guess Nadine you got to understand that as much as you want to grow up, I DON'T want you to . But..I will have to face reality soon!

** This picture was taken at Penang when she went with her friends for a debating thingy with the school. First time I let her out for 4 days or something.


Comments

DancingQueen said…
Hmmm that's tricky. I understand your situation and i might don't have clues how to handle it with my own kids (which so far i have none) Well, give probation for the first 3 months and monitor how things go. At the end of day, you have to trust her and hopefully she won't take it for granted...
LifeBloom said…
Memang agak dicey situasi ini. Nak lepas anak perempuan ni is very the worrying..i think u kena chaperon ..but dok jauh2x..sampai waktu meet somewhere. After SPM baru boleh lepas with strict curfew itupun with TRUSTED group of friends...okay ini masa I punya time dulu and how my mum monitored me.

Seriously Shils..i am not the person to give anything on this subject. But I do know its something all parents grapple with. I am certain Nadine has been grounded with good sense, spiritually n morally and she would be ok in the outside world fending herself. You just need to figure how to strike the balance..
Anonymous said…
Wih the values that you've instilled in here, with your constant advice and *nags*, I'm sure she knows of all the perils of going out. As I always tell you, we need to let go. Our kids are well brought up enough (Allah please protect them) to know what is right and wrong.

ftm
Sara B. said…
Shila, as much as you hate to, you've gradually got to let go.I'm sure you've already instilled the right attitudes with Nadine. As long as she knows the correct way to behave & isn't a complete "sheep" when out with her friends, she should be OK. Keep up constant communications with her & tell her to always use you as the reason she can't do something if her friends suggest something she's not comfortable with. Eg "No, I'd rather not join you to go xyz because I don't want the hassle of making my mother mad!" Let her say it in a "cool" way so it doesn't sound like she's a little girl.That way she should feel more comfortable.
Yes, there are hazards out there, but she needs to learn to deal with them. Also, from this age, if you continue to forbid her to do too much you may run the risk of frustrating her so much that she's tempted to be defiant & deceitful. Far better to be relaxed a little, ask her to be open & honest with you & therefore know more or less what's going on. I'm afraid she won't tell you EVERYTHING! But it will be pretty close.And if she comes home with a smile on her face it means she's had a good time & survived! And started maturing into a lovely young lady in the process. Trust me, Shila. I've been there with Suhaila & you can imagine all the extra hazards there are over here! It wasn't all plain sailing, but we've survived & she's now a lovely 25 year old.
HI there Dancing Queen--- she doesnt really ask lah..thats why i freak out hehehehe
Zura...I am happy you said after SPM because to me she is still 16 and not yet matured..but I do acknowledge that she needs to go out and have fun..maybe I can chaperone er and mummy also get to go and have fun haha
FTM- you still read my blog yay!! i thought you are way too bz now ..! Anyway yes I will let go ma'am..susahnyeeee if possible nak berkepit. yeah my nags!! hehehe
Sara!!Hi!! (waves!!)

Thanks dear for the advice...i should relax..and trust her...at the moment i dont think i have to worry because she is still my giggly girl...thank goodness. but anyway you are right i have to prepare her for life...

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