Iman ni macam tide kan.. high one minute . low the next. I suppose that's why people pray for strength of iman..and preservation of iman..because it is so supsceptible to change..and so vulnerable.
What is iman... faith? Can you have iman if you don't practise ? Can you have iman if you take your religion for granted?
If iman is strength of belief, then yeah, mine has been like a tide.sometimes pasang, sometimes surut. Of course, I believe. But how much do I follow? how much do I feeeeeeeell the lurve? Sometimes, a lot. Usually after a ceramah, taskirah etc . Sometimes , not at all- other than routine prayers etc. Sometimes when I pray I realise, what the heck am I muttering nih, where is the lurve....For heaven's sake I'm facing God nih, how can I just read the recitations praising him with no feeling? Ah thats during high tide I guess.. when the realisation strikes you .Haa masa tu berkobarkobar ler.
I've always said half jokingly and then not so jokingly that my religion needs a rebranding- people should love it the way the Christians do, you know the way they sing in Gospel and go "the LOOOORRDD loves you!!"" heheh. well takda lah like them but I suppose i want the religion to FEEL real and be more than just rules and what we have to do etc. I want to WANT to do it because I am truly afraid of hell or truly want God's blessing.
I guess that's what is meant by sincerity..i want to have sincerity in my ibadah.. or "ikhlas" ..but with distractions of day to day affairs...how ikhlas or sincere are my good deeds? And what am I doing to make sure the iman stays on the high side? Am I reading? or attending classes? or am I just waiting for it to land on my lap? (can ah,pls)
I even suggested to the other half. if only there was a simulation game or a 3 D transformers style experience where you get to see what hell could be like. There's plenty of mentions of what punishments await us kan.Sure no one will leave their solat one..
Oh well! jealous jugak tengok orang yang dah receive "nur" or the "light" and have so much faith ..for me. everyday I will try to make sure that the iman will at least, not surut. Macam pakaitudung I guess...ikhlas tak ikhlas buat sajalah sebab tuhan dah suruh, insyallah the Ikhlas will come.
ehehe dont judge me tau!